Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
