get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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