I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How does it feel to date your dad?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize