It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
