when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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