just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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