I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
