I wish I could punch you in the face.
wanna go halves on a baby?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
accomplished twins. life is a go
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
