the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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