Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
