In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
