I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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