Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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