Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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