it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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