Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
