I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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