Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
