Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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