Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Alive.
So much puke
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
