I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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