you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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