Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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