Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize