the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
