it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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