Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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