What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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