I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
