You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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