they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
