Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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