i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
