I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
