I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
