Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
