how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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