I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize