I met the friendliest cop last night
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
