Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
