Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Im part way to drunk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
