Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
