btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
