i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
