My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
