can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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