Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
