sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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