We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
