I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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