i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
