I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
