I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
