I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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