oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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