hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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