so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
