apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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