My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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