thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize