Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
