And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
