I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
